This Plus That Equals…. Feeling Like a Failure

This plus that equals…. Feeling Like a Failure

Here’s the latest instalment in my series of posts all about what makes our lives here at home tick. This week is all about me and how I’m feeling. Fairly rubbish as you may have guessed from the title. Now I’m not after a load of sympathy, I just need to write about why I feel like a failure, get it off my chest and then hopefully start to feel a bit better.

Home Learning
Will I have to give up working from home?

Losing my main client

For the last year I have been able to stay at home because I have been running some social media accounts. It’s been great. I love my work. But I only ever had one regular client, the rest just came and went for a few months here or there. Then my one main client decided to bring the job in house. A perfectly normal thing for a company to want to do, but I feel like I have failed.

Just a glimpse of my stash in my work desk
Just a glimpse of my beloved work space

Not planning well enough

This mainly leads on from above. What the hell was I thinking relying on one main client! I always knew I should be building a bigger client base but between the level of work I had for my main client, childcare and the adhoc jobs I was picking up I was tight on time. There was a point for a bit I didn’t think I could manage it. I was running 12 social accounts over 4 businesses, blogging and doing some admin work for another social media manager to help her out. And then I wasn’t.

Home Learning
Swapping a desk for a checkout?

Giving Up 

The first thing I started doing when I I found out I was losing my main source of income was start applying for jobs at all the local businesses. Of course I have been pitching for more social media work as well. But the simple act of applying for checkout jobs and the like has felt like I am giving up on my Any Way To Stay At Home dream. I really feel like a bit of a fraud when my blog is all about how much I want to be at home. I guess I’ll just have to start that journey again.

What me
I don’t want to miss these moments

Letting my family down

All of a sudden we’ve massively had to cut our budget. I am at fault for that and I feel every penny of it. Every time I have to say no to L, or rethink a day out. Every time I have to remove the ‘treat’ items from our online shopping basket. Even knowing I have to wait that bit longer until I can get L the new pair of shoes he wants. But they are super cute and will be worth the wait. I want these fab Kids Trainers from Brantano, cute or what!! They are only £20 which is fab value, I just don’t have it at the moment.

Kids Trainers from Brantano - Good Dinosaur
Kids Trainers from Brantano – Good Dinosaur

Not knowing why

I just don’t really know why I lost all my social clients. Most of the small jobs just realised they didn’t have the budget to pay someone externally to do it. My larger client explained they wanted to bring it in house which makes sense. But I feel like there should be more to it. Something more substantial. Something I did wrong that I can fix. It can’t all just be down to bad timing surely. The same goes for why I haven’t won any of the work I’ve pitched for recently. I need solid reasons to help me grow, but people are either two polite to tell me or it’s genuinely just bad luck.

Crew for the day
I don’t want to miss out on the chance for fab experiences

It’s just been hard these last few weeks to shake the feeling of failure, to pretend to be happy when I’m worried and to find enough hours in the day to try to fix it! Have you ever had a time like this?

Finally, I’m linking up with #TheBabyFormula, #TwinklyTuesday and #fortheloveofBLOG

New Mummy Blog
The Pramshed

Mummascribbles

Disclosure – contains paid links

12 thoughts on “This Plus That Equals…. Feeling Like a Failure”

  1. Oh hun try not to worry too much. It sounds like you were doing a brilliant job, and that it has nothing to do with how you worked. Please don’t feel like a failure, I hope that you manage to find some new clients soon, keep going, and don’t give up or loose confidence. Can the client provide you with a reference? Thanks for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG, and apologies for the late comment. Claire x

    1. Thanks lovely. I’m trying to stay upbeat and I’m really pushing for new clients now, I’ve found one who is lovely which is nice, just need a few more. I haven’t asked for a reference if I’m honest. I really should. I’m channelling Dory at the moment, ‘just keep swimming’!

  2. Aww I’m sorry that work dried up for you- that’s the only problem with relying on that kind of work. I know that once my maternity leave is up next year I’ll still have to earn a regular income – having that guaranteed set money coming in each month. It sucks!! Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

  3. Aww that’s a tough one isn’t it? As the other commenters have said I’m sure you did a great job so don’t worry. Things are tough now but it’ll all work out in the end #forlveofblog

    1. All the sensible parts of my brain tell me that I did everything right but there’s this dreadfully loud part that screams how stupid I am. Trying very hard to ignore it! Thanks for popping by xx

  4. I work part time at a supermarket, but the dream is to be able to give that up and just work from home. I will not be able to do that for a while as my son was in hospital for 8 days 2 hours from where we live and between parking costs, hotel and food and new clothes we had to buy as we ran out, we spent £1000. That was all our “safety” money. And of course me and hubby were off work for nearly 2 weeks in the end so we lost wages as well. Things are really tight so my dreams have to wait for a while. Being there for my son was totally worth the money we had to spend and the struggle at the moment.
    #fortheloveofBLOG
    Ali Duke recently posted…My Bath Time EmptiesMy Profile

    1. It’s tough being self employed not knowing how much you’ll be getting any given month, but it is definitely worth it for the extra time I get with my son and the flexibility. I hope your son is doing better now, you definitely have to take the monetary hit to be there for him when he needs it over something like that. Big hugs! Xx

  5. Hooray on the new client – things are already looking up! Having worked in marketing for a large brand, I can honestly say it generally isn’t anything personal. It sounds like you’ve had a good relationship, so please don’t think it is anything that you’ve done ‘wrong.’ In fact, if they are creating a role and bringing it in-house, it shows the work you’ve done has made them see the value of social. It’s totally rubbish that you’ve been left in this situation but please keep the faith 😊. x #fortheloveofBLOG

  6. Oh I’m so sorry. I know how much you love what you do and being at home, fingers crossed for you winning back those clients and new ones too. They wouldn’t employ as an employee doing their social would they? You are brilliant at what you do and have built such a fabulous blog with an amazing following, please keep going x
    New Mummy Blog recently posted…#WickedWednesdays – the trolley warsMy Profile

    1. I’m definitely still blogging and I got a new client today, woop woop. But I still think I’m going to have to get a regular job as well, just to keep a steady pay check. It’s hard not to be a bit blah about it all. I love being self employed and working from home, but I need to pay the mortgage to be able to do it. Thanks for being so lovely though, a kind word or two goes a long way xx

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge