This Plus That Equals... Ways My Toddler Has Injured Me

This Plus That Equals…. Ways My Toddler Has Injured Me

This plus that equals…. Ways My Toddler Has Injured Me

Here’s the latest instalment in my series of posts all about what makes our lives here at home tick. This week is all about the many ways in which my toddler has injured me. It’s a lot. Toddlers may be cute, but with all that bouncy energy and the coordination of a drunk hippo on ice they can be lethal.

The Headbutt

I suffer this on at least a weekly basis. He is playing and throwing himself around as usual and plants his head into my jaw/nose/head, take your pick. Man it hurts. The trouble with this particular injury is you cannot cry, however much you may want to, as they will have invariably also hurt themselves and need tending too.

Cute ain't he? Lethal though
Cute ain’t he? Lethal though

The Boob Crusher

A well placed and sharp elbow is normally the main culprit. Occasionally a foot if I’m being used as a human climbing frame. Maybe even a headbutt as above. But crikey when that kids comes at my poor boobs full force it is a pain no woman should have to experience. At least I never have to explain the bruising I suppose.

Just trying to smother me with his giraffe
Just trying to smother me with his giraffe

The Hair Pull

This can happen as a down right malicious attempt at getting my attention or just when he is kindly brushing my hair, or making it look pretty. Because of the sticky little grabby hands it always painful and he always seems to get clumps of it. Never the grey ones though. Carrying him on my shoulders always means a new bald patch and an interesting new look to boot.

Great new look
Great new look

Scooter Shins 

OK, this one isn’t directly him injuring me, but it’s definitely his fault. So we leave the house and he is happy scooting or tricycling. 15 minutes later he is not and  am carrying the offending item. They crash and bang into my shins leaving me with a semi permanent line of bruising across both legs. If only they would tan so easily.

It's OK when he's on it
It’s OK when he’s on it

The Sofa Massacre

Not a common injury but certainly the most recent and the main reason I thought of writing this. L has learnt how to operate the  recline feature on our sofa. Pull a leaver and the foot section pops up. Usually your legs are on it, stopping it being too fast or violent. Clearly this is not the case for  a toddler, so when he does it the foot section really springs up.

Sunday I was walking past the sofa when he pulled the lever. Bam! The metal section at the side scraped all the way up my shin leaving me doubled over in pain and actually crying. I think the last time I cried in pain was during childbirth, even then I’m not convinced I did, pretty certain I was just a bit sweary and enjoying the gas and air. Obviously worried about me he grabbed his bottle of drink and demanded I had some as it would make me better. Consuming the toddler backwash filled drink did not make me feel better, not at all.

Oh christ he's got keys, time to hide
Oh christ he’s got keys, time to hide

This list doesn’t even cover the razor sharp nail scratches, being used as a human climbing frame/trampoline bruising or the general injuries received from standing on toys! What’s the worst injury you’ve received from your darling children?

Finally, I’m linking up with #TheBabyFormula, #TwinklyTuesday and #fortheloveofBLOG

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8 thoughts on “This Plus That Equals…. Ways My Toddler Has Injured Me”

  1. There are so many injuries a toddler and baby can inflict on us. I think I’ve been injured every week since my baby was born, including the nipped bite ha ha! The sofa incident sounds painful and I think I would have cried too. Thanks for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

  2. The sofa incident sounded very painful, I stubbed my little toe on the hoover the other day and that was bad enough 🙂 Reading all that did make me laugh, especially the hair pulling. Little hands can be so rough! Maybe protective full body suits for parents would be a good business idea 😉

    1. Ha ha that would be epic. The sofa incident hurt so much but I can sympathise with a stubbed toe, it hurts so much more than it should!! I’ll watch out for you on Dragon’s Den 😉

  3. Haha!! I can most certainly relate to the first three here, I can also add the ‘pincer nip’ as there is nothing my 9month old like more than to nip everything in sight HARD. I have no doubt it’s just a matter of time before the scooter shins and sofa massacre take place!! #twinklytuesday

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