This plus that equals…. taking a break
Here’s the latest instalment in my series of posts all about what makes our lives here at home tick. You may have noticed that last week things were very quiet on the blog front. I was taking a break. It wasn’t planned but it was needed and here’s why.
I was tired.
My word I have been tired. So tired. Persuading L to watch YouTube just so I could nap on the sofa tired.
Clearly burning the candle at both ends wasn’t working for me. Since starting my job I have been trying to do just as much on my blog as was before. I was trying to do still fit in all the fun activities me and L would do in 5 days across 2 so that he wouldn’t miss out.
I was trying to keep on top of the housework as I felt I’d only just cracked that.
Basically I was just trying to do too much and to be everything for everyone. I know that’s not possible, I’ve tried before and it wasn’t good for me. So why I thought it work this time is a mystery.
I was stressed and anxious.
Well that’s not true. I AM stressed and anxious.
Try as I might that knot of anxiety in my chest just won’t go. Having a break hasn’t really helped to be honest as my anxiety has just shifted to the work I didn’t get done.
That being said had I not had a bit of a break I think it may have exploded, so needs must.
The stress has reduced to a level I can deal with. A level those around me aren’t suffering for either. The anxiety will pass, I have a plan now, lists and order are the key.
I am going to fit in some meditation and cycling. I know it seems I don’t have the time for it, but I need to find it. So I’ve added it to my to do lists. This week will be the week that gets me back on track.
I had too much to do.
Ever got to that stage where you have so much to do you don’t know where to start, so you don’t do any of it??
That was me last week. There was a lot of Christmas blog work to be dealt with, gift guides and the like. A lot of extra shifts at the new job taking up time normally reserved for blogging. Less time thanks to a couple of away the previous weekend.
Then L was poorly, just a bad cough, nothing life threatening or anything. But he ended up in our bed one night. He was extra clingy and dare I say it, extra irritating during the day and I just had too much to deal with.
I know not doing anything wasn’t the best way to handle it. But by saying I needed the break and taking it, I felt a little bit more like I was in control.
I did all the work that had to be done. The work that had deadlines. The housework that was essential.
Then I made my lists and took some time out. Not to do anything exciting with. But I caught up on some sleep. Watched some TV.
Last week was written off. This week will be busy. But this week I feel as though I can handle it.
I was overwhelmed.
Yes you may have already realised this. I was well and truly overwhelmed last week.
I didn’t like how it made me feel or how I was reacting to it though. I’m regularly overwhelmed to some degree. Aren’t we all. Parenting alone is overwhelming. Last week was different though.
The combination of everything had me snappish at best, behaving like an utter bitch at worst.
I was crying, I was shouting, I was ignoring things that shouldn’t have been ignored and I was far from parent, wife, person I want to be.
Being overwhelmed will do that to you.
I needed it.
A reasonable conclusion to this all was that I needed a break.
OK it was as enjoyable as a break I had planned and organised for. A break I had scheduled posts for.
I feel guilty for not doing everything I had planned for last week. That in itself has caused some degree of stress. I just don’t think I could have done it any differently given the circumstances.
Life will always through a curve ball your way and you just have to handle it the best way you can at the time.
I plan for this week to be better but it comes with its own very special challenges and decisions that will need to be made, my grandmother in law passed away on Friday so I need to be about to help and comfort best I can. Husband also has a new job proposition that he’s meeting about this week, it could be the making of him but it would mean a lot of travel. I still don’t know what I think about it.
Life is hard at times isn’t it? I know all in all I have it pretty good, but we all need a moment sometimes.
Finally, I’m linking up with #TheBabyFormula, #TwinklyTuesday and #fortheloveofBLOG