My social life

This Plus That Equals…. My Social Life

This plus that equals…. my social life

Here’s the latest instalment in my series of posts all about what makes our lives here at home tick. This week is all about my social life.

I was reading a thread on Mumsnet last night where I girl was asking if it was unreasonable of her to be a bit hurt by her friends effectively icing her out. Why? Well because she had a child it seemed. Her social life seemed to be a lot like mine, and her friends, well they aren’t friends at all.

Happy Wine Mail
My drinking is done at home

Evenings drinking are out

Nights out at the pub. Pah. What are they? Sure I can go out in the evening but I can’t drink because I have to drive. I am not paying for a taxi, I cannot afford it.

There are no buses where I live. Well that’s a lie, but there are only two and the last one is 6pm. I can’t get my husband to come and get me as there is the small matter of someone looking after the child.

Oh and hiring  babysitter for the sake of a night drinking, you are actually kidding right!?

Feeling Calm
Of course I’m bring this cutey

I’ll be bringing my son

Want to catch up for lunch. Sure that’s fab, I can do lunches, they are easy. But yes I’ll be bringing my son. He can’t stay home alone.

My friends don’t care. They love him, like they love me. No, not all of my friends have children. Some have grown children, some have younger children, some have no children at all.

What they have in common is the realisation that I do have a three year old and he will be with me. OK at times I’m not 100% present in the conversation because I’m dealing with him, but they accept that too.

Feeling Calm
A boy and his Grandad

Babysitters are a luxury

Reading through the Mumsnet thread, everyone seemed to say, just get a babysitter. I’m sorry, what?

Personally I’m not leaving my son with a stranger. It’s my choice, my right as a parent. I don’t judge those that do, not at all, in fact I’m a little jealous. Do you know that these babysitters charge, yeah, they aren’t free. Frankly I don’t want to have to pay to maintain a friendship and I would hope my friends wouldn’t expect me to either.

Grandparents are of course an option, but you don’t want to overstay your welcome on that front. Ours love to babysit, but they live an hour away. So there are logistics to be thought of. I’m also weary of taking this piss. So I have to pick and chose what I go to. I just do.

Turtle Bay
Going out is more likely to look like this

You do what you can

If I want to see one of my friends, I have to drive to her. She doesn’t have a car. So that’s what I do. I know if the tables turned she would do the same without fuss.

If we are having Gin Night (roll on Friday, woop) well that has to be done at mine, because that’s where the gin is. Yeah it’s a pain for the others, but they know it’s the only way possible, so once a month it’s what we do.

For our friends that live away, we try to find places to meet midway between us, or we take it in turns. We also appreciate that we are all busy and we may only see each other a couple of times a year.

We fit things around each other, around work schedules, around nap times, around things people like/dislike. All of us make sacrifices so that we can see each other. Because we are friends.

James the cat
I have changed

I have changed

I’m not the same person I was and that would have changed with or without a child.

I no longer like clubbing, or noisy pubs, or having to fight to get to the bar. The thought makes me feel like staying in my pajamas all day. I like to be able to talk to my friends, sit down and enjoy a leisurely drink, oh and I am tired, like all of the time, so I don’t really want to be up past midnight.

I don’t have the disposable income I once did either, the mortgage pretty much took care of that, the child was just that final nail in the monetary coffin. So I can’t always afford to do things, I have to weigh up what is worth it for me. £50 gig tickets for a band I have already seen a hundred times is likely to be swapped for a family day out we can all enjoy, or spent on the band that has been on my bucket list forever.

Friendships are funny things. They come and go. Children definitely change things, but if anything they will only show you who your real friends are and real friends stick around no matter what. Did having children change your friendships?

Finally, I’m linking up with #TwinklyTuesday, #Blogstravaganza, #StayClassyMama and #fortheloveofBLOG

themumproject


Mummascribbles

Bringing up Georgia

18 thoughts on “This Plus That Equals…. My Social Life”

  1. Oh I completely agree with you on most of what you said but quite strongly on wha you said about friendships. Having a child definitely lets you know who your true friends are and I have to say I have been very lucky with mine. They are awesome. As for babysitters I have never ever got one and think of them as a luxury. Thank you for sharing with #StayClassymama

    1. People I considered to be really close friends disappeared after I had L. It wasn’t even a child vs no child thing. One of my closest friends already had a daughter but she parented differently to me, not an issue on my side but she couldn’t stop sniping and picking at what I was doing. But I am now very settled in my friendship group and trust them totally

  2. I love this. I have friends from before I had the girls, who are still my very dear friends, but I don’t get to see them very much at all. Then I have mum friends who get it, although similarly to you, I hardly EVER use baby sitters. My parents live in another country so that’s out for us too. It is hard, but real friends understand take your circumstances into consideration.
    #blogstravaganza

  3. We don’t go out often either. Luckily my friend groups now mostly have children so they understand. Me and my friends have an agreement that we’ll all help with babysitting for free for each other. It helps us all to have those odd nights out as a couple without childcare costs and leaving her with someone she knows.

    Thanks for linking up to #fortheloveofBLOG x

  4. I’ve had friends that have disappeared since I had the littles, but I’ve also got a few that really show what being a friend should be! I totally agree with you on the babysitting front, more often than not we’ll be there and so will our girls! Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza xx

    1. It drives me crazy when people think I can just get a babysitter. It’s not that easy. I’ve certainly lost friends since having had L, but the ones who have remained mean I don’t for a second miss those that have gone x

  5. When I had Zach, I was the first of our group to have a child and I found it really hard. Now, there are a whole bunch of children in our group so it’s way easier. Like our friends (who are currently pregnant) are having a birthday celebration tomorrow and we are all heading to them for a bbq in the afternoon so we can still get the kids home for bed. It’s definitely changed since we all went boozing in the club but it’s all about the give and take these days! Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

  6. I don’t have kids but my friends with kids obviously had to change how they socialize. It’s the way it is and we make it work because we’re friends! #fortheloveofBLOG

  7. These days we like to stay in with a bottle of wine, and catch up with a film. Most of our friends have kids, some older, some similar ages, so we tend to go round to each others houses for an evening out. I really find it too much of a faff to go out that much these days, and the cost is definitely a major factor for us. Good friends that don’t have kids would understand. xx #fortheloveofBLOG

    1. Going out is a faff isn’t it!! Glad I’m not the only one. My child free friends definitely get that things have changed and make certain allowances for me, I make up for it by supplying the food & drink when they come over 🙂

  8. I haven’t read the thread.

    There may not be a malice to it, just thoughtlessness as the poster and her friends are out of step at the moment. If she’s one of the first in her group to have kids, the others won’t get it. Arranging meet-ups at her house or coffee out etc and sharing your great post with them might help. But getting yourself out there to find some new friends may also be a plan.
    Tubbs recently posted…The Coffee Shop Around The CornerMy Profile

    1. I don’t think there was any malice in the thread either, but people unable to see that things have changed and unwilling to change themselves. Fair enough. But bless her, I think true friends would. I certainly learnt who my real friends were after I had L. That’s for sure! Thanks for popping by. xx

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge