Before you start School tomorrow I just wanted to tell you a few things.
These are things I haven’t mentioned because I know you are worried and nervous, trust me I am too. But my job as your mum is try to lessen that feeling, not make it worse, so there are some things I haven’t been entirely honest about.
So here we go, honesty.
Kids can be really mean. You don’t have a choice, you have to go. Yes the days are shorter than your 8am to 6pm at nursery but it is everyday. In fact it is for at least the next 12 ish years, probably 14 or more. The school run will likely make me shouty. Exams suck but course work is worse. When mummy says she enjoyed school, she means she was a geek who loved learning and tests but the rest of school I didn’t enjoy, at all, sorry. You’ll have days, maybe even weeks, when you don’t like it and hate me for sending you. You are going to have to work hard, maybe not at first, but at some point.
There are other things I’m feeling too, things I’ve not really mentioned.
I’m scared. I’m scared you’ll hate it, I’m scared I’ll hate it. I’m so wrapped up in worry for you I don’t really know how to function at the moment. This is a great big change and something that’s going to last for years and I’m not quite sure that school is the right place for you.
I’m sad. More than anything I’m just really so, so sad that this phase has come to an end. I’m sad I won’t get to spend as much time with you and I’m sad that or weekday adventures and impromptu lunch outings are at an end. I’m going to miss you so much.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry that logistically and financially I couldn’t find the perfect school that I wanted for you. I’m happy with the school we’ve chosen and you most certainly are. Being able to walk to it will be so handy and everyone seems lovely. I just can’t shake the feeling that a Forest School or Montessori would have been better suited for you. Home schooling,if I had the patience, would suit you.
I feel really alone. Other than the first look at the school, everything else has been on me. Meetings, settling sessions, uniform, that’s all been me. Summer projects, the filling in of the many, many forms, comforting and reassuring you. Again all me. All of the worry has been mine too and mine alone, with nothing taken seriously or given any heed. So if this does all go tits up, that’s on me too. It’s a massive weight to bare and if that’s made me hard to be around at times then I’m really sorry. I’m doing my best.
I am excited for you, I’m genuinely looking forward to seeing you learn and make new friends. I think school will help you get a bit braver and more sure of yourself.
Most of my worries are selfish ones, because I just don’t want to miss out on anything with you, so far I have been there every step of the way and I’m struggling to let you go.
I can’t quite work out how this time has come so quickly, even at the start of Summer it seemed like forever away. I know we’ve had an amazing summer and filled it with so much fun, loads adventures and love. We have been really busy and I hope you’ve had fun.
But for now kid you’ve got to take a few steps into the unknown, make your own way and learn who you are without me and your daddy by your side.
You’ll rock it, because you rock, just please remember to tell me about it. All of it. The good and the bad.
PS sorry I lied a bit.
PPS sorry for crying and being embarrassing, we all know it will happen, so I may as well apologise now.