For my birthday a couple of years ago I was given a great book ‘Calm’ and a journal from my friends. To help me find some calm in my life and to de-stress a little. I have been writing in my journal everyday since and on Wednesday’s (or late on a Tuesday) I go through the daily highlights I’ve written down and pick out my 10 favourites.
So I didn’t write this last week, not because I hadn’t had anything good happen. I did. But mainly because so many bad things had happened I just wasn’t writing at all.
So I’m going to give you a brief run down of my last two weeks, not something I usually do, but to see what good keeping a note of the good things does for me.
Wednesday my grandad gets a Leukemia diagnosis. Thursday he is hospitalised. Friday I visit him, he is in and out of consciousness, mainly out. Saturday morning when we visit he has had a little improvement and is conscious, talking and eating. Saturday afternoon when we return he is not. Sunday we visit and he’s heavily medicated, same goes for Monday. Tuesday we don’t visit but I spend some time with L talking about things. Wednesday morning he passes away. Wednesday lunch time i get a call to let me know my uncle also died that night. From Thursday through to Tuesday it’s been a mix of emotions from everyone, I’ve been trying to be everywhere and everything for everyone, that’s not possible. I have also taken some time away from the computer to just be quiet and have some time to process everything.
It’s been a rough couple of weeks but, despite that, here are my top ten moments from the last 14 days:
1 – Having a team at work who were prepared to work around me and serve all the customers so I didn’t have to talk to anyone but also didn’t have to be at home. They have let me leave early and swap shifts at a moments notice and generally just been very supportive and also equipped with chocolate!
2 – Being able to hug my grandad one last time. He woke and asked for me and reached out giving me the biggest and tightest hug. It was a few days before he actually passed but for me it was my goodbye and a moment I’m always going to cherish.
3 – Watching L have an absolute blast at a friends birthday party. It was nice having a few moments of normality amongst all the craziness.
4 – The amazing palliative team at the hospital who not only made sure my grandad had everything he needed and the right access to pain medication but also spent time with my nan and the family making sure they were all OK and helping with all our questions and things like car parking charges. They also took some time out to talk to L and make things seem a bit more normal for him whilst throwing some handy hints and tips my way. The conversation they had with him meant the absolute world to me.
5 – Having the best friends. Friends who drop everything just to come over and spend some time with me after I got the news. Also the type of friends who are happy to then leave when I got the second batch of bad news and needed to leave to check on my family. Friends who bring flowers and cards. Friends who are there with a hug and able to pick me up after an awful school drop off and make sure I get home. Friends who are there with messages of support and kind words just when I need them.
6 – Going out for an awesome night of crafting and drinking with friends. The perfect tonic to my sadness and a brilliant distraction. Plus it was a lot of fun and we’ve booked up for the next session already!!
7 – Lovely cuddles with the cat. He’s a faithful beast and just knew that I needed some extra cuddles and has barely left my side these last few weeks. It’s funny how they know and just how much comfort they can be.
8 – A nice day out with L. A little golf, a little lunch out and a little shopping to spend his pocket money. He’s been ever so good about this. He’s had a lto to take in and has been dragged from pillar to post visiting people and going out late after school, so it was nice to just hang out with him and do something fun.
9 – Booking a holiday for next year. We are going back to Turkey, one week, all inclusive in May. I cannot wait and it has been lovely to have something exciting to look forward to. I keep looking at the pictures of the resort and trying to find new ones on different sites. It looks amazing so I’m glad we’ve done that.
10 – Getting to spend some time in L’s school to see what he gets up to. We had an hour to see them in the classroom, join them for assembly and enjoy breaktime. It was fun to be shown round be him and see how gets on during the day. Plus I got to have a cuppa and a catch up with one of my friends after the school run as we had an hour to kill before the visit started and it didn’t seem worth her going all the way home. Bonus.
I’m really glad I write down a few positives from each day and then go back through them each week. It helps keep me focused, calm and therefore happy. It is also a great way to keep a note of the things we’ve done.
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