This plus that equals…. Feeling Like a Failure
Here’s the latest instalment in my series of posts all about what makes our lives here at home tick. This week is all about me and how I’m feeling. Fairly rubbish as you may have guessed from the title. Now I’m not after a load of sympathy, I just need to write about why I feel like a failure, get it off my chest and then hopefully start to feel a bit better.
Losing my main client
For the last year I have been able to stay at home because I have been running some social media accounts. It’s been great. I love my work. But I only ever had one regular client, the rest just came and went for a few months here or there. Then my one main client decided to bring the job in house. A perfectly normal thing for a company to want to do, but I feel like I have failed.
Not planning well enough
This mainly leads on from above. What the hell was I thinking relying on one main client! I always knew I should be building a bigger client base but between the level of work I had for my main client, childcare and the adhoc jobs I was picking up I was tight on time. There was a point for a bit I didn’t think I could manage it. I was running 12 social accounts over 4 businesses, blogging and doing some admin work for another social media manager to help her out. And then I wasn’t.
The first thing I started doing when I I found out I was losing my main source of income was start applying for jobs at all the local businesses. Of course I have been pitching for more social media work as well. But the simple act of applying for checkout jobs and the like has felt like I am giving up on my Any Way To Stay At Home dream. I really feel like a bit of a fraud when my blog is all about how much I want to be at home. But I guess I’ll just have to start that journey again.
Letting my family down
All of a sudden we’ve massively had to cut our budget. I am at fault for that and I feel every penny of it. Every time I have to say no to L, or rethink a day out. Every time I have to remove the ‘treat’ items from our online shopping basket. Even knowing I have to wait that bit longer until I can get L the new pair of shoes he wants. But they are super cute and will be worth the wait. I want these fab Kids Trainers from Brantano, cute or what!! They are only £20 which is fab value, I just don’t have it at the moment.
Not knowing why
I just don’t really know why I lost all my social clients. Most of the small jobs just realised they didn’t have the budget to pay someone externally to do it. My larger client explained they wanted to bring it in house which makes sense. But I feel like there should be more to it. Something more substantial. Something I did wrong that I can fix. It can’t all just be down to bad timing surely. The same goes for why I haven’t won any of the work I’ve pitched for recently. I need solid reasons to help me grow, but people are either two polite to tell me or it’s genuinely just bad luck.
It’s just been hard these last few weeks to shake the feeling of failure, to pretend to be happy when I’m worried and to find enough hours in the day to try to fix it! Have you ever had a time like this?
Finally, I’m linking up with #TheBabyFormula, #TwinklyTuesday and #fortheloveofBLOG