this-plus-that-equals-forced positivity

This Plus That Equals…. Why I Hate Forced Positivity

This plus that equals…. Why I hate forced positivity

Here’s the latest instalment in my series of posts all about what makes our lives here at home tick. This week is a bit of a rant about why I hate forced positivity. You all know I’m a super positive person but I hate it when people try to force me to be positive about something when I just am not.

As you know I’ve had to put a pause on my on my stay at home dream and get a job. I am not feeling great about this because it is not what I want. It is not a great and amazing job. Frankly it is not a positive thing, not for me anyhow. It will pay the bills though and it’s not too many hours, those are quite simply th only positives I can find. So I wish people would stop trying to find all these other ‘positives’ and forcing me to agree.

Vegetables are good for you, this is not a vegetable

‘It will be so good for you’


Oh, it will, will it? How’s that then? By crushing my dreams. Taking me away from my son. Wasting my time doing something I don’t love. It’s not a new flipping health food you know.

Yeah it will be fan-f@*cking-tastic.

Let’s just be realistic here and call it what it is, a way to pay the bills. That I suppose is good for me. I shall not be destitute.

Having fun at the park
I’m actually quite happy with this one for conversation

‘At least you’ll get adult conversation’


Ummm. I am married you know. My husband is indeed an adult. We do actually talk .

I am not lonely. I quite like my own company and/or chatting about tractors with my son. As a general rule I’m not a big fan of other people, so when I want to see people I like to choose who I see. You know what if I ever feel in need of a bit of adult conversation during the day I have several friends I can call or meet up with. People I have actually chosen to have in my life for their awesomness.

This is how I see me when I’m finished

‘It doesn’t have to be forever’


No it doesn’t. I do know this and strangely enough I’ll be trying my damn hardest to make sure this is the case.

But what if it is forever?

At this precise moment in time it feels like the biggest thing in the world to me and it does feel like the start of a slippery slope to forever. I took up my last job as a temporary 6 month contract until I found myself a real job it took me ten years to find myself a real job and leave and that’s just gone tits up. So excuse me if I can’t see through to the other side just yet.

Clock watching

‘It’s not many hours a week’


Again this is true. But it’s more hours out of the house than I was spending.

I’m on a flexible type of contract where you are expected to work as many hours as needed, which is already over and above the actual contracted amount.

I can barely fit everything in as it is. How the f@*ck do I stand in the slightest chance of doing it now.

Smiley Face
Here you go, my happy face


‘You should try to be a bit more positive about it’


Actually I am being positive about it. I’m positive this isn’t what I want. So instead of upsetting myself by talking about it I’m just getting on with the hand I have been dealt.

If you want me to be more positive, stop talking to me about it. I don’t want to. My way of being positive about this change is to accept it, not moan about it and not talk about it.

I’ll be positive about something else but if you keep on forcing me to be positive about this I’ll either cry or say something I regret to you.

So just back off.

I guess overall my point is, even the most positive of people can’t be positive all the time. When other people try and force you to feel something you don’t it has quite the opposite effect. So if someone tells you they aren’t feeling good about a situation, and they don’t want to talk about. Don’t try to find a million reasons they should be happy it, just respect that they aren’t and don’t talk about it.

Finally, I’m linking up with #TheBabyFormula, #TwinklyTuesday and #fortheloveofBLOG

New Mummy Blog

The Pramshed


13 thoughts on “This Plus That Equals…. Why I Hate Forced Positivity”

  1. I totally get you, I have a lot of forced positivity on me and then criticised when I act or talk negatively. A lot of people are forcing positivity on us to make us feel better, when sometimes all we want to do is wallow in it. I’m not going to force positivity on you, but I really hope that it gets better soon. Thanks so much for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

  2. Definitely get this and totally sympathise. Just say it how it is, it is the daily grind. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go back to work, rather than doing what you want to do, be at home with your gorgeous boy. Hope it’s not for long. #fortheloveofblog
    Grounded Mummy recently posted…The Perfect SundayMy Profile

  3. I completely get this, although not about work, but forced positivity is out right insulting sometimes. I have it at the moment with my health, having just been given a devastating diagnosis, people telling me to be positive, that positivity is the first step to fighting illness (and here was me thinking it was drugs?!) and a whole host of other things that make me want to scream at them, how would you like it if it was you?? Agh, you can see this is a real bug bear of mine! I hope that things go as well as expected on your return to work. #fortheloveofBLOG

    1. I’m so sorry about your diagnosis. I hate it when people link positivity and fighting to an illness. It implies losing and fault. Not the random and sucky event that it actually is. Aargh. That would drive me even more crazy than the job stuff. Hugs for you. Xx

    1. It’s just an awful feeling. I hated going back to work after maternity leave and have loved the year I’ve just had being self employed, but no clients means no money so a new job it must be. And I just can’t be positive about it. At least not right now. I wish you the best of luck for your return. I can say with certainty you do find a balance but it’s tough xx

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