This plus that equals…. my return to the workplace
Here’s the latest instalment in my series of posts all about what makes our lives here at home tick. The last few weeks I’ve been really busy, kind of stressed out and getting used to how things are now. Going back to work has been a real change for me and I thought you’d like an update on how I’ve found it.
OK it’s not like I’m an unsociable person, except I really kind of am! I spend all day everyday blogging, on social media, talking to people but when I want to stop I can just stop. So I get to pick and choose who I spend my time with. I only have a few friends but they are amazing, I have chosen them and they have chosen me, we’re in it for the long haul.
Going back to work I don’t have that option anymore. I have to be friendly and smiley for as long as I’m there. I have to get on with the people I work with. Find common ground. As I’ve got a bit of a sales role, I have to chat with customers and be interested and present. You know what, it’s bloody draining and has made me realised what a miserable old, anti social person, I really am!
Ugh, just ugh. Now I’m actually working with real life people, in the real world, I have actually had to start wearing real underwear. Not just a somewhat tatty but super comfortable sports bra.
You start the day thinking this is actually OK. Everything’s all up in the right place, it’s all looking good and you wonder why you weren’t doing it before. Then you get a little bit further through the day and you start to feel a bit uncomfortable. By the end of the day you’re really uncomfortable, it’s digging in, it’s not sitting right and having something akin to scaffolding keeping everything in the right place is just not fun.
I actually don’t know how I managed when I was working before. Having spent the last year at home I have got used to being able to do what I want to do when I wanted to do it. Press trips, no problem, I’ll be there. Holidays. Catching up with friends. Last minute jobs. Sick child, no worries, I’d be ready for cuddles and medicine. Doctor appointments, midnight awakenings.
Not only that, my husband has gotten used to it too. If he needed to work his usual day off, no problem. If he wanted to book a random day off, we’d be home. Golf wasn’t an issue. Weekends away, no problem. He is finding the adjustment very difficult as well. He is also potentially more vocal about it as well!
The last just over a year my mummy uniform has been super comfy. Very casual. Very me. I can wear what I want even if that’s pyjamas all day long. If I’m going out, I get to pick my style and I was finally, after many years, finding one.
Now I have a uniform and don’t get me wrong that’s way better than having to supply my own clothes, I’ve done that before and found I only owned work clothes as I couldn’t afford to have a set f fun clothes as well. But it isn’t comfy and it is more washing. Trying to keep it clean and safe from the toddler isn’t an easy job either. It’s also not very flattering, or warm, but that’s another issue.
Still feeling like a failure
It’s a feeling I just can’t shift. Basically I didn’t leave my well paid job of ten years to end up back as an employee again. I did it to be my own boss, and that worked for just over a year. Then it stopped working and I don’t really know why. I failed.
This isn’t where I want to be or what I want to be doing. Yeah it’s OK. I go in, I do my job, I come home. No worries. No stress. I get a regular pay packet, which is non to shabby. I get, or at least will get, a decent staff discount, pension, shares and maybe even a bonus. The hours are flexible, they work as well as any job than involves me being out of the house can work. Mostly I am not home in tears every night, unlike my previous job. But yet still, I have failed and it feels horrid.
So that’s me, that’s how I feel at the moment. Irritated by underwired bras and having to be nice to people!
Finally, I’m linking up with #TheBabyFormula, #TwinklyTuesday and #fortheloveofBLOG
Image credits – Go Daddy