I have literally lost track of how many times I have said ‘I just push through it’ this week. Don’t worry, I’ll push through it. It’s OK, I can push through it. Well you know, you just push through it. Again, and again and again.
As a parent I think that’s just what you do. As a working parent I have to. as a working parent who is also working very hard to not be a working parent I have to push through it even more!
I’ve been ill on and off for the last couple of weeks but I’ve been ignoring it, because to give in to it would mean I could make it all work. So it’s been pushed aside, ignored, and needless to say gotten worse. But yet still somehow I’ve made it all work because I have no other choice. I dragged myself and L to the supermarket purely to buy painkillers, I also did the weekly shop. My parenting has relied way too much on YouTube just so I can get some extra sleep in. But i have pushed though, everything has been done and everyone is OK.
I had a day trip to London planned but due to a strike on the central line, essentially the only line I planned on using, we cancelled. Whilst the thought of 8 people being asked to move the area they worked in couldn’t be made to work and resulted in strike action. I still had to make my day work. I had a very excited toddler who had been promised a day out on the tunnel trains that sound like dragons, I had an excited friend who had been promised Patrick Grant and crafting goodies. I still had to make it work. And we did. The three of us had a fab day at the zoo. We made it work.
I have a job where I am contracted for 11.5 hours but regularly have to work 30 hours, I make that work, somehow. With planning skills that would put most military operations to shame I fit it all in. Even feeling so ill I could barely see straight, I made it work.
L has been sleeping really badly recently. He has had slap cheek and been a bit under the weather. He is also still struggling with the evenings I’m working and not knowing when I’ll be home. He doesn’t like going to bed without me. So he has been waking up, a lot. Needing extra cuddles and support at 1am. Wanting me to sleep on the floor next to him. You get the picture. So the following days I am tired. So tired. But you know what, you just push through that tired fog and get on with it.
My blog may just be a hobby, but I have had deadlines to meet. Self imposed deadlines, but still, if I say I will do something than do it I will. So a lot of time I could have had to rest has been taken up writing. Which of course I love to do, so it’s no real hardship. But it does take up time. I certainly feel the pressure if I have a lot of things to write up or do, so I like to keep on top of things and despite everything else I have pushed through it and hit every target I set myself.
Long gone are they days I can catch up on sleep with a nice lie in. I can’t call in sick for work, for starters I am relied upon to open or close the shop, provide breaks for my colleagues and my absence would be heavily felt. Also I would not get paid, and I need to get paid. Having a quiet day at home is a laughable thought. Does anyone with children ever have a quiet day at home?! Housework, shopping, work, child rearing all still has to be done, so as a parent you just push through it.
When asked how I manage, I don’t have an explanation, other than I just push through it and I think that’s something only other parents can understand.
The Tale of Mummyhood