This plus that equals…. a balancing act
Here’s the latest instalment in my series of posts all about what makes our lives here at home tick. This week is all about the balancing act that is my life.
Feeling like a crap mum
If I’m working and he’s watching too much YouTube I feel awful. When I drop him off with my parents so I can get some work done it feels like a cop out. If he’s desperate to play and I’m saying ‘just one more minute’ on repeat, yup, I feel like crap. If I get cross with him because he’s interrupted one too many times and I’m stressed about a looming deadline, that’s the worst. I just can’t do it all in the hours he’s asleep though, I just can’t.
The house looking awful
So if I get all the work done I need to and spend all the time playing with L that I want to, if I even dare to have a social life and leave the house to see a friend or if I take some time for myself. If I do any of these things, the housework simply doesn’t happen.
I know there are more important things to life than a clean and tidy house but equally I do not want to live in a hovel! It doesn’t help that the number one cause of arguments in our house is housework, or lack thereof. So for an easy life (hah, I do realise how ridiculous that sounds) it’s just easier if I find a way to do it. So I may have persuaded the child it’s a fun game!
Stress and anxiety
When I get behind on work I have taken on for my blog I feel the stress really badly. My blog is a hobby, it just happens to be a hobby that allows me to take L on amazing day trips, give him toys I couldn’t afford on my part time wage and even throws a family holiday our way every now and then. If I say I’ll get something done for a specific date then I will.
I then have a part time job to fit in and if they need me to work I feel bad about saying no, so I fit that in even when I don’t have time.
Not to mention how i feel if I haven’t done anything nice with L, or if the housework isn’t done. In fact I often feel that unless I have done literally everything I am failing.
So what gives? Something has to. That something is invariably me. I was aiming to read 52 books this year. It started well early on but has since gone by the wayside, I haven’t had time to read in months. I would love a hot bath, a steaming hot, feet up and lounging until I’m a shrivelled prune of a person bath. I wouldn’t mind a nap if I’m honest.
You’re being awkward
So you’ve probably got the impression that I’m busy. Juggling being a mum, wife, cleaner, blogger, part time worker and the rest of life.
When it comes to arranging things with other people it can be hard to find a time we can all do. I literally had to tell a friend last month that the 21st July was the earliest I could make. At the time that was 6 weeks away!
Unfortunately some people don’t get that. I was actually told the other day I was being awkward. Yes I was being awkward.
I was being awkward because I was the only one of the group who worked at the weekend, I’m actually contracted to work on a Saturday afternoon. Awkward because I have a child, who cannot be left on his own, so no I couldn’t go out at 4pm when my husband doesn’t get home until 6pm. It was seemingly my fault that the place they all wanted to go to wasn’t open on a Sunday, the only day that could have actually worked for us all.
Real friends and wine (preferably both)
When it constantly feels like you are fighting a losing battle and that you are always letting someone down. I have found the only things that really help are my bestest friends and wine, or gin.
On any given day I will feel like I’ve been a crappy mum to L, I will be stressed that I have more to do than there are hours in the day, my Husband will be cross with me about something or my family will be making me feel guilty about being awkward.
So when I have friends who are happy to come over to mine and drink gin with me after L has fallen asleep, or hop in a car and trek across the country with me to hang out at an event I’m attending, knowing that at any given moment I’ll be working and they might be left to fend for themselves as I try to secure an opportunity. It is these moments, too few and far between, that I know overall I’m doing OK. It is these moments that make the rest of the rubbish slide away.
I love my friends.
Anyone else feel like they are constantly battling to find the right balance?
Finally, I’m linking up with #TwinklyTuesday, #Blogstravaganza, #StayClassyMama and #fortheloveofBLOG