This plus that equals…. back to school sadness

Here’s the latest instalment in my series of posts all about what makes our lives here at home tick. This week is all about back to school sadness. I’m writing this on the last day of half term, I’ve just finished crying for the third time today, I’m really sad he’s going back to school but all my social accounts seem to be full of people celebrating the end of the holidays. So I thought I’d balance that out a bit.

Fun times

We have had the best week. Honestly we’ve had so much fun. I’m not saying every minute has been a blast, it hasn’t. There have been moments he’s been shitty and down right horrible. But they have been just that, moments. At the end of each day I have had just had an overwhelming feeling of happiness.

We’ve seen friends, been to the park, eaten way too much cake, walked for miles and had adventures.

Generally each day we have done something fun and been so happy. He’s been worryingly well behaved, even at his worst he’s not been that bad, for the most part he has been very cute and I’m just waiting to find out why. It can’t just be that the Malteser Bar I found he added to the my online Tesco shopping basket and thought I wouldn’t notice, darn that Google Home and his superior knowledge of how to use it. What if he has ordered that real life giraffe he’s been hankering after for years now.

Relaxing

We’ve managed a perfect balance of going out and having fun and down time to relax. It has been lovely.

Each morning has been chilled with no rush to get up, dressed and out the door. For every relative we’ve visited or long walk we’ve done there has been an equal amount of chilling out at home watching a movie or playing happily with toys.

Some evenings we’ve practised his phonics and done his school reading, others we haven’t.

Not only has this break been wonderful for L and very much deserved, it has done me no end of good too. I had been feeling overwhelmed and stressed, that had no doubt rubbed off on him, a week off work with no real blog deadlines to think about either has left me renewed and a lot calmer.

My boy back

I have have had my boy back. The happy kid, who is sweet and loving and a pleasure to be around.

I don’t think I had fully realised how much I had missed that or just how much he had changed.

School has exhausted him. Thoroughly exhausted him. So I had been dealing with a tired, whiney, angry and full of complaints little boy who would flip over nothing. I had been walking on eggshells around him just to get through an evening without a meltdown from one of us!

Christmas, though a longer holiday, wasn’t actually that much of a break. The people we had to see and the excitement of the big day actually made him even worse if I’m honest. A few of us had commented that the kids actually seemed worse after Christmas, even more tired and the break hadn’t helped at all like we thought it would, so I know I wasn’t alone.

This half term things have been different, it really has been like it was before he started school. Just me and him hanging out, sometimes being bored and sometimes having adventures and because he has had time to relax I’ve seen a noticeable difference and got my boy back!

Weather

The weather has been amazing! Sunny and bright and warm. Just lovely. The weather alone has brightened all our spirits.

Monday started off well but soon dissolved into rain, we were at the playground getting soaked and by the time we got home a full change of clothes was warranted.

Wednesday the coat was ditched and the sunglasses dug out from the depths of my bag! By Friday I was hanging out in a T-Shirt!

Not having to worry about coats and gloves and the thirty thousand layers required for a simple walk has made the break not only more enjoyable but easier and a bit more spontaneous as well.

I couldn’t have hoped for better and the thought of going back to work and not being able to just grab the kid and head out for a walk across the fields is making me a bit sad too.

It’s too much

Whilst L has settled into school so well and I have settled in nicely too, I love the school mums and really enjoy the routine school has bought us, I still feel it’s a bit much a bit soon.

He’s so little and the school hours are long, 8.45am to 3.15pm, 5 days a week for a five year old! It is a lot.

He’s at school more hours a week than I am at work. Even when I think about everything else I do, the blogging, the parenting, the housework, the being a wife. OK the hours are never ending, but they are in my home, on my terms and I don’t have to behave in a certain way or deal with people.

I still, despite everything, have that niggling feeling that school hasn’t been the right decision for him.

Yes he is doing brilliantly socially and come out of his shell quite a bit and yes I can see him learning day by day, it’s amazing to see.

Gin But he is still little and I can also see how tired he is and how frustrated he gets and just how much being social is taking out of him mentally.

Not to mention the entirely selfish thought. I just miss him and want him home more.

I’d love it if he could go to school part time, say three days a week in Reception, 4 days a week in Year One and start 5 days a week in Year Two. I think it would be great for him both physically and emotionally, but also a whole heap easier on me!

Finally, I’m linking up with #TwinklyTuesday, #Blogstravaganza and #StayClassyMama