This plus that equals…. Stress
Here’s the latest instalment in my series of posts all about what makes our lives here at home tick. This week is all about stress. As I alluded to earlier in the week I have been struggling a bit recently and though better in myself I am still feeling a lot of stress when perhaps I shouldn’t be.
We are planning an extension, stressful. Though the worst of the stress is over, we only have a few minor amendments to check, the builder is lined up and the mortgage company are just waiting to release funds. I am now really feeling the stress, because where before it was all just planning, now it’s close to being a reality and the build itself will affect me far more than anyone else as I am the one at home to deal with it.
The dust, the mess, the responsibility and the simple fact of having to deal with other people in my personal space for a significant period of time are all playing on my mind. A lot.
I find it hard enough to keep on top of the housework as it is, all the ticksheets and cleaning rotas in the world won’t help me keep on top this.
I don’t know what it is about this half term but I just feel guilty.
Guilty that I used to spend time with L like this all the time and now we don’t. Guilty that I’m dragging him round to see all the family who want to see him in this tiny one week opportunity that we have. Guilty that we aren’t doing all the fun stuff. Guilty that he isn’t just chilling out doing nothing.
I just feel like I’m failing him somehow. Realistically I know I’m not but because of my current frame of mind I can’t shake that guilty, niggling, failure filled, doubt and it’s left a knot in my stomach.
Between the day job and the blog the stress is piling up.
Blog wise I’m nowhere near where I want to be, I’ve got posts that need to be written and posts that I want to get planned and in the bag. Yet I’m chasing my tale just trying to get up to date.
At the day job I have just had to take some time of for L which left them short, despite having made my hours up already it still isn’t sitting right with me. Compounded by the fact I am off all week for half term and I know they are struggling to cover the hours, it’s not my fault, this had been booked for nearly a year but I still worry.
I also know when I go back to work I’m going to have to book up my next year’s holiday entitlement as it refreshes in April. A thing I know will be awkward and stressful and I just won’t be able to win as the amount of time off I get from work doesn’t remotely cover the time off I need to take to cover the school holidays.
Family always has the potential cause stress.
I’m usually pretty good at handling any issues that crop up but recently things have been really bothering me, thoughtless comments and remarks, more thoughtless than usual.
Add to that already murky mix of emotions my dad having a bypass, my husband being miserable at work and a few other bits and bobs my family have been causing me a great deal of stress recently.
I had been doing so well up until the end of the year. I wasn’t stressed, I was fit and healthy, I had avoided all the nasty viruses and colds that were going round.
Come the New Year when my stress levels first started rising and I have had a couple of colds, a sinus infection and a cough that never seems to leave.
I’m taking all the vitamins and trying to look after myself but it’s a vicious cycle of being mentally run down which opens me up to being physically run down and that just compounds the stress and so we go on.
I’m sure things will get better soon, I just need to deal with things one at a time as and when I feel able. At least I know that there is no point getting stressed out about feeling stressed, I learnt that lesson the hard way many years ago!
Finally, I’m linking up with #TwinklyTuesday, #Blogstravaganza and #StayClassyMama