This plus that equals…. unable to help
Here’s the latest instalment in my series of posts all about what makes our lives here at home tick. This week I’ve been feeling a bit helpless. Completely unable to help in fact.
L is struggling at nursery and I’m at a complete loss how to help him.
Why he goes to nursery
It has become essential again, now I have returned to the workplace. I feel such a sense of helplessness. Knowing that I have to send him so I can still earn.
So I’ve tried to help him though it. But nothing I do seems to work. So there I am. Right back to being helpless again.
From the moment L started nursery he struggled with his drop off’s. He would cry and cling and generally dislike it. The second I was out the door he would be having a blast though. I hated that feeling in the mornings but it was OK because really and truly he was OK.
Then more recently we seemed to nail it and he was completely loving everything and would barely give me a backwards glance in the morning.
The last few weeks though, he has not only reverted back to previous form, but doesn’t seem to enjoy it at all. He will still have fun for a while but during the day he will keep on bringing up how much he doesn’t like being there.
This makes me feel so guilty as maybe he’s not actually OK anymore and I can’t do anything about it.
It’s quite simple really. He is sad. So I am sad.
I can’t fix that either. Not until I can make him happy again.
He’s fine the majority of the time. He’s OK with us and doesn’t seem to think about nursery unless it’s bought up. But for two days a week he is sad. That’s a lot for anyone, let alone a three year old.
I am grateful it’s not spilling over to his days away from nursery but I hate seeing him so sad.
A little dose of crazy
I worry about him so much. Just in general I worry. But this nursery thing has got me really worried.
I have tried all I can to help get him back on track, but I’m unable to help him any more. There’s nothing left to try. I think he just needs to make his own way.
I’m worried that this will affect him in some way though. I don’t want him to feel abandoned and I really don’t want this to affect how he will feel about school or anything else.
Then things get a bit extreme and my mind runs away with me. I start to worry about things that are wildly unlikely. What if when they take him for a walk to the park something happens to him and the last thing he remembers of me, is him in tears as I left.
Like I didn’t have enough to worry about without an endless list of crazy what ifs. But I can’t seem to stop myself.
I think I have read every internet article, forum, self help guide, parenting manual, available.
Yet I haven’t found a solution. I’ve spoken to his key worker at nursery. She is at a loss as well.
He just seems so sad. I have tried dropping him off super quick, literally popping him in the door and going. I have tried sitting with him and reading a book until he settles. I’ve dropped him off at the same time as his friends. Plus a million other things in between.
We have made a new reward jar together, which when he fills, he will get a treat. This has worked miracles for his overall behaviour, which whilst not bad, has it’s trying moments, but he would happily give all the rewards he has earned back if it meant he could stay home.
All this added together has made me feel so completely unable to help. That I am failing at being a mother.
Has anyone else had this problem?
Finally, I’m linking up with #TwinklyTuesday, #Blogstravaganza, #StayClassyMama and #fortheloveofBLOG