Too much

Too Much

Some of you may have wondered where I’ve been. Many of you won’t have noticed and that’s fine too, it’s not like I stick to a specific timetable when I write. But I don’t like to leave work that I’ve started unfinished and recently I have.

As it stands at the moment I have a book review to get live, a book to finish reading and two I haven’t even started. That’s just the book reviews. I have a competition to launch. Two Halloween recipes to get scheduled. Four product reviews to deal with as well.

Then I need to source competition prizes for the rest of the year, put a bit more thought into some Halloween articles and of course Christmas! I think that’s my to do list for the blog.

I also have a day job that has been giving me plenty of extra hours recently and means I am constantly on the go as the school have started opening the gates 10 minutes later so I am always in a rush.

There is football to get to once a week and I’ve just added swimming to that list, as well as having to be about for L’s tutoring session.

This with the ever growing amount of Covid cases at his school is just a lot.

Too much

The housework is constantly behind where I’d like it to be. The meal planning and shopping and planning in all our life events in an increasingly tight schedule is an exhausting job.

Then there is just my life. The cat has been ill, he’s vastly improved but we still need to give him medicine twice a day without fail and go to the vets every three weeks for blood tests to keep on top of it. We’re going to see a band in London at the weekend but whilst I really want to go it seems foolish at the moment, but we can’t get refunds as all the ‘rules’ say it’s fine for us to go, plus our childcare fell through and finding a replacement has been way more difficult than it should have been.

Then there’s my nan’s funeral on Monday, not exactly something I’m looking forward to and filled with extra worry as it wasn’t exactly a straightforward relationship, in fact we didn’t really have a relationship at all for the last few years.

Add in a trip to Legoland, a day out for the kid’s birthday plus his birthday party on the same day of his friends party and in theory a week away over October half term to say I am overwhelmed is understatement.

What made it all too much though was a cold. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back and I just needed to stop. I couldn’t do everything, so I barely did anything and now I’m stressed because it’s all built up.

If anyone had seen me through, other than a croaky voice they wouldn’t have known anything was wrong. I went to work every day and gave it my best and had a smile on my face. We weren’t late for school, lunches were made and homework was done. Walks, birthday parties and days out continued. Family life carried on. Everything else was fine, it was just me who was silently drowning, carrying that mental load that was proving too much.

So today, on my first day off in ages I have nearly caught up on the laundry. I’ve answered all my emails. I’ve chased up my broken Fitbit replacement, dealt with setting up my new online baking account for the mortgage, have organised my diary and to do list and will next actually publish the book review I wrote nearly two weeks ago whilst sitting on a bench whilst the kid had goalkeeper practise. Then I’ll look at sorting some Instagram posts and hopefully get one of the reviews written.

To be fair I probably shouldn’t have spent time writing this, but I needed to spend time writing something and didn’t know where to start and just putting it all down on the page has helped me understand that I did have a lot. It was OK, if counterproductive, to take a step back and that I can in fact get it all sorted.

So if you read this, thank you. If you are feeling overwhelmed because it’s just too much, know you’re not alone and feel free to message me, it may just take a few days for me to reply!

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